2010 American Music Awards...dare you to tell me I have a life. Try.

It’s 6:53 pm on Sunday evening and I actually just told one of my best friends, that I had to get off the phone with her so I could prepare myself for the awards. Yep, prepare myself for this shit show that I am about to endure for the next three hours. So yes, I’m fully aware that they will most likely suck and that I will just complain about anything and everything that takes place over the course of the next few hours but that’s fine. I’m fine with that, I don’t have much of a life and it’s Sunday night anyways, it’s either I watch this or “He’s Just Not That Into You” for the fift…second time. AND since I already have that PVR'd for life I will watch the awards. I have no problem wasting a few hours, that was fine, that sat well with me until I found out that motherfucking Ke$ha was up for “Artist of the Year”…uhhhh what?! Who are these people, who can actually admit that their favorite artist of the past year was an unfortunately-looking-trashbag-wearing-untalented-auto-tuning-bitch who spells her name with a fucking dollar sign, who are you? You certainly don't read this blog, I know the 3 people that read this blog and I know they can appreciate real talent not garbage. Wow.

I believe last year I posted a point form play-by-play of everything I liked/hated from the award show, but more so hated. I'm going to try that out again this year. Mainly because I've been out of school for the past half a year now and writing was never really my strong point in University.


Quickly, before the show starts, let me fill you in on the nothing you missed from the red carpet. By the way, thanks Etalk for that live Ustream hosted by former N Sync member/ Astronaut Lance Bass and reality tv's most boring person, Whitney Port of MTV's "The City”, so ya.... like I said, you really didn't miss much. However, Whitney looked great. Her boyfriend, Ben Nemith of MTV's The Buried Life was even there whoring it up with her. Certainly one of the best looking couples ...ever.


Some picture proof:

But seriously, fuck off.

I can't even believe I'm going to post this filth on my blog but I think I need to. If you have a weak stomach or good eyes for that matter, sheild them because this next picture I'm going to post is unpleasant. Sorry ...everyone.

incase you care, although I'm not sure why anyone would, here's another a better picture of Ke$ha on the carpet.

Are you actually trying to tell me that she thought that her eyebrows looked good? In fact, the studs aren't even placed on her eyebrows, they're placed directly above, therefore giving her a second set of eyebrows. How high do you have to be to think this looks good? Then there's the lips, I'm all for playing with different colors and dark lips but this bitch has glittery black lips. Really? Then, if you're daring, you can pan down and check out her dress. What a treat this bitch. Seriously, she makes it way too easy for me to make fun of her. I try to steer clear of any trash can or trashbag jokes and then she fucking wears one. Ugh, moving on.

It’s 7:00, everyone shut up. Rihanna is opening!!

I bet any amount of money that Rihanna sounds awful. Why is she singing "Love the Way You Lie Part 2". Why would she even record a part 2 to one of the summer's biggest hits. Should have left this alone. It's no secret that I'm a fan of this Barbados beauty but that doesn't mean I can't say she sucked...because I'm gonna, she sucked. And this shouldn't come as a surprise to you either, anyone who has ever seen or heard RiRi live, is fully aware that she can't sing worth shit


I can't say that I'm exactly fond of this song and Rihanna's weak vocals don't really help either. Did she just fall? Oh that was "planned" okay. Music has stopped and clothes are being ripped off. Nice. Big, big fan of this song ("What's My Name"). Thank goodness for the backup dancers, Rihanna may be super hot but she needs to be surrounded by dancers at all times because she is boring as hell.Are they doing the "stank leg"? Yes, "Only Girl (In The World)"! Male dancers...and done.

Here's a picture of RiRi getting down for your viewing pleasure.


Ya i'm not totally sure what the fuck she was wearing either but it's Rihanna so leave her alone. However, I'm not going to let those jerry curls slide. Justin Timberlake maybe but that's the only exception. "Oh na na" Rihanna, shame on you.
Favorite Soul/R&B Album: Usher…Usher?! Even he knows he wasn’t deserving of this. It should have went to SADE!

Pop/Rock Album: Black Eyed Peas…..ugh I can’t stand them.. When the music kicks in that’s your queue to get the fuck off stage.


Big, big fan of the chubby boy from Modern Family. Ya, I’m sure he does have a name but do you know it either? Fuck you.


Not going to lie, I’m a fan of Enrique. I’d never buy an album by him but I would buy a ticket to see him in concert. But then I’d sell it because I’d most likely be ridin’ solo like Jason Derulo to that shit. I can handle this “Tonight” song, it’s alright. If I were drunk, I’d be dancing. But I CANNOT handle this song, I think it’s called “I Like It”, he seems to be shouting that a lot. I can tell that Pitbull wants nothing more than to be sexy and I got news for him….neeeeeever happening. He’s shakey, bald, and I can barely understand what he’s “singing”. Enrique, you’re hot. Pitbull. Nope.



Miley, you turn 18 in 2 days, do yourself a solid and wish on those candles that you find a talented plastic surgeon to help with that face of yours. Seriously babe, you are the epitome of a “butterface”. Also, maybe just all together stop trying to do the music/acting thing and do the Kardashian thing, I think you’d be great at it. Forgiveness and Love hey? I will not forgive you for this awful performance and Eminem said it best, “bitch you don’t get no love”. However, I enjoy the outfit. Not quite as slutty as I was hoping for but still c-thru. Thatta girl.



I'm sorry but what the fuck is "Diddy Dirty Money" ?! Apparently there's a hyphen in there too, I'm not sure where nor do I care. There performance was awful and the song was equally as bad. Diddy, stop it. I wonder how much he had to pay the camera crew to cut to his son and how much he had to pay his son to act like he was enjoying his performance. I feel like that head bob was rehearsed several times prior to this performance. I’m shaking mine, back and forth and then repeating “shame, shame, shame”. Truth.

Female Country Artist: Taylor Swift…I’m shocked. I am. Not. Oh straight hair? Is it here to stay? Probably not, it’s only a matter of time before she pulls the perm card again. Hopefully she’ll learn one day or just disappear all together. One can only dream. Really wishing Kanye was there right now to run up on stage.



Samuel L. Jackson, first cool person to make an appearance tonight. Rihanna would have been if she wasn’t sporting jerry curls. He has THE coolest voice. If I ever run into him (where?), I would totally get him to record my voicemail.

Oh Kid Rock, actually I should hold the sarcasm because over a week ago I decided that I find Kid Rock attractive. Ya, fucked. I know. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing too. It was about 7am, I was preparing breakfast (making toast) in my kitchen. I think it was a newer video of his that came on Much More. Yes, I watch Much More music videos in the morning, sue me. Being hungry and tired would explain why I might think something like that but that does not explain why the feeling has stuck with me. Maybe it’s the fact that he still wears Dickies? Nope, no one should do that. Avril and him must not have got the memo. Maybe it’s that tattoo on his forearm? Nope, it actually looks dumb and poorly placed. I’m out of guesses, my standards have clearly hit rock bottom and thankfully he’s off stage now. Moving on.

(No, I will not sink any lower than I already have and post a picture of the performance. I cannot)

Latin award? Shakira? Sure. Fine.

Oh good, The Black Eyed Peas are back on stage. They’re just fucking awful. They’re terrible to watch let alone listen to. Why do they feel the need to sample the shit out of everything? Wil.I.Am looks like he’s from the future but his beats are from the past. Fergie Ferg is suffocating the shit out of her boobs, poor things. She should share them. Does Taboo do anything in the group? Nope? Alright then.


Katy Perry is a mega babe, with make up. Yes. BUT she’s really not good at singing. Oh and red isn’t her color. She’s certainly winning the award for worst vocals so far, thought Miley was taking that one home but nope. Good work out there Katy. This is her only non-slutty song, is it not?




Soul/RnB Female: Oh wait…Nicki Minaj has to promote her album “Pink Friday” dropping Monday bitches! Okay and the award goes to Rihanna. Rihanna. Jerry curls. Get rid of em'. Only Justin Timberlake could rock those and that was barely acceptable 10 years ago. I'm not saying bring back the super long weave that you sported for a day because that'd made you look like a hooker but maybe you could do that mohawk thing again? Think about it. Get back to me. Also I could have sworn that your dress was grey, whatever. Still ugly.

J Biebs performance, better text my 11 year old cousin. “I close my eyes and pray”…….wait hold up, did he cut his hair? So THIS is the hair cut I’ve been hearing so much about lately?! Friends, this is a trim. Here comes the Gospel choir. He is actually the only white person on stage right now. If there wasn’t so much shouting and clapping there would be a dead silence right now.


Had to post a picture of that mass amount of awkwardness. ALSO the new hair, what do you think?

Found this on JustJared.com today, “I think the girls like my hair, so I’m going to let it stick around for a while. I really don’t think anyone’s ever done this kind of thing with their hair: I just wake up, blow-dry it, and just shake it. And continue to shake it throughout the day.” –Justin Bieber in some magazine I forgot to write the name down for.

Ya man, you’re the only one who wakes up in the morning and blow dries their hair. This kid.

Why are Mandy Moore and Sheryl Crow on my tv right now? Also, I think I have more boobs and less bones showing than Sheryl Crow right now.

I’m not really paying attention but I think Brad Paisely just won an award, gonna just assume it was a Country one. Sure. Hiding underneath that cowboy hat is a pretty alright face. No?

Bon Jovi performance….true story; I use to be super into Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora. No I did’t use to be 45. Now, I could care less about these two. I have a strong feeling that this is going to be a medley and I have an even stronger feeling that this is going to suck. I can’t change the channel because I might miss something ( no, no I won’t) so I’m just going to mute it. Besides I’m sure somewhere in this house right now, my dad’s blasting this. Bon Jovi and AC/DC is all my dad needs, oh and Kings of Leon and Nickleback. Oh dad. Please cut to Jenny McCarthy one more time camera man, please. Just throwin’ up metal horns like it’s nobody’s business.

Well I am shocked that Justin Bieber won the T-Mobile “Breakthrough Artist of the Year” Award. Shocked. While tweens across the world lose their shit over his new “haircut”, I’m totally loving it. Aged him at least a year and therefore makes me slightly less of a creep for finding him attractive.

Kelly Osbourne pretty much gets invited to things because she’s skinny now. Am I right? Sad.

Pink is dope. I like that although she had the backing track and multiple back up singers helping her out, you can still hear her and she ACTUALLY can sing. I’m not really asking a lot here people. She gives energy and doesn’t take herself too seriously…clearly (picture below). She always has the most entertaining performance of the night. Good stuff Pink or P!nk, whatever.




I can hardly hear Ne-Yo, which is actually unfortunate because I’m pretty sure he’s an alright singer. Kind of nice that he actually write his own songs too, or the lyrics at least. He’s also a good dancer so I’m not sure why he’s not doing more of that right now. He tries much too hard to be sexy and as long as his face looks like that, he never will be. Not going to lie, I don’t totally hate this “monster” song either.

Just when I wasn’t minding the awards, Taylor Swift performance. I hate this bitch, I do. She looks like Avril Lavigne with her hair straight, and usually that wouldn’t be a compliment,however in her case it is. Where are her eyes? It’s like she’s constantly squinting or they’re swollen from crying over guys that were out of her league to begin with. “At least her hair looks better” said my mom. Not only do we share the similar looks but we also hate the same people. Love you mom. This is the best I’ve ever seen Taylor Swift look and it still isn’t that good. Why is she dressed like she’s going to work in an office? I don’t follow. Boo you whore.

When did Julianne Hough get ugly? She was like the hottest thing abc programming had to offer in ….well forever and now she dresses like an 67 year old women trapped in a 14 year old girl’s body. Is that what dating Ryan Seacreast will do to you?

OMFG Justin Bieber won another award? Noooo. Ya he did. He just beat out his boss/mentor and Eminem. Better cut to Usher,I’m sure he’s feeling awesome and young right now….Not. This dude is the most confident person and by “confident” I actually just mean “conceited”. He does know how to where jeans, as a fan of legs, I will give him that.

Small part of me wants to see “Burlesque” when it comes out BUT a bigger part of me says,”NO you will hate and want to fall asleep and possibly start dressing like a whore”. X-tina can sing, you can’t deny that. You also can’t deny that she looks like she gained a solid 12-15 pounds since her divorce. ALSO, why does she look like that now? Bleach-blonde is not working on her. The hair/make-up combo screams Whiskey Dix. Bring back Dirrrrrty X-tina! However I can shit on her looks all I want but I cannot deny her talent. She is by far the best singer in The Kodak Theatre tonight, hands down. Thank you for some talent.



I wasn’t paying attention again, Lady Antawhatever won what? A Country award? Of course. “Thank ya’ll so much.” “Thank ya’ll for inviting us to party with ya’ll”. You would.

Usher has literally looked the exact same for the pas 10 years, I’m not complaining. I still don’t care about this performance, I just like that he can dance. I also like that he wears boots, boots on boys are great. More boys wear boots please. Like 40 people just came on stage, I bet this is what Mystique looks like on a busy night minus the good looks and good dancing. Oh and Usher, Usher would never. Why do I like this Swedish House Mafia song? Whyyyyyy?

Oh Avril Lavigne is presenting. Good. Cool. Great. Love her. Ughhhh pink streaks? Really? I wonder who or what tells her it’s a good idea to dress like she’s a 13 year old Paramore fan. Seriously, my cousins are barely 12 and they know you look stupid. Her new single is called “What the Hell”? There’s like a million jokes I could make solely based on that alone but I won’t. You make it too easy Avril. Did she really just say “Amazeballs” before announcing the winner? Muse just beat out Phoenix and Vampire Weekend for the “Altenative Rock” award, actually ya, that’ll work. Dude just thanked Charles Darwin.


She makes it waaaaay too easy. Thanks whore.

Train…a performance from Train, great. Dude has the worst hair. Oh make that pants too, camera just panned down, worst hair and pants. I’ve never seen so many dads trying so hard on stage before. Sing “Drops of Jupiter” now or get off stage. Please. This is the most boring performance so far but it’s also going to be the feel-good performance of the night so take it in now kids.



Adult Contemporary is either going to Train, Lady Antawhatever, or Michael Buble. I could honestly care less who takes this home. My mom’s apparently a Train fan so I guess they won’t be winning. Buble it is! He keeps getting better and better looking. How does he do that? His inspiration is his fiancé? This guy.



Ke$ha time! I would actually prefer this bitch to lip-sync instead of having to hear this auto-tune bullshit. I also hate myself for knowing a majority of her lyrics, I kind of want to kick my own ass for it. Fingers crossed she falls. She played it safe with flats but anything is possible kids, so dream big. The smashed mirror hot glue-gunned to her body suit would explain why she didn’t look at herself in a mirror before she decided to jump onstage in this great outfit. Ya, I bet she’s going to play that guitar. Oh. Wow. Strummed it twice. Wait so it says Hate on the back but it’s crossed out and she smashed it? What does that all mean? She’s for pro “hate” or …..? Why are people standing for this?! SIT DOWN!!



Santana and Gavin Rossdale could save the night here. However Gavin will probably decided against performing a Bush song and fuck us all. Yep. I was right. Gwen Stefani is one lucky fucking lady. Look at that man. Wow.



Soul/RnB Artist of the Year: Urrrrsher.

Ryan Seacreast is waaaay too into his job. He’s treating this like it’s American Idol. Trust me, it’s not. No one except X-tina could sing tonight nor can any of the nominees for this award. Biebs for the win! Shocked, so shocked. Is Usher fucking crying? Pussy.



Two of the greatest groups of all time are about to make music history. Yaaa because the Backstreet Boys and New Kids on the Block are two of the greatest groups of all time. Am I suppose to care about this? Bring back N Sync and maybe, maybe I’ll give a shit but these two washed up boy bands? No. Donnie Wahlberg is the lamest and AJ should probably go back to Rehab. Guyliner…no. I was always a Brian or a Kevin kind of girl but Nick, Nick looks good. Weird it only took 12 years to come around. I hope Brian’s heart holds up… that was mean. Bring back Kevin (without the soul patch).


Boob grabbing....doubt it.

Well that’s a wrap! I hope next year’s are better…..bahahaha I’m just kidding, I’m not that optimistic or stupid.


They should really look into adopting him. Great fam this would be.


Joey Mcintyre is the best looking member of ...shoot me I'm doing this abbrev...NKOTB and um weird Nick Carter is the best from BSB. Wow. Still don't care about this tour. Still won't go.